Match.com seems to be the main avenue of dating among my Christian friends. To put it bluntly I regard this as lack of faith, desperation, and fear of being alone. Technology has changed vastly over the past 100 years. It has weakened the strength of relationships today, contributing to the divorce rate. Around the turn of the century the automobile came and the accountability of family and friends around during courting. The car made it easier to get away to remote areas with no one around. Then the televison was invented and created this unrealistic phenomena known as romance. How many movies have you seen inwhich sex outside of marriage is not implemented? People compare their marriages to those on the big screen, and when it's less than fairytale people become unhappy. Marriage in the movies is never portrayed as something difficult! It's always right in the movies when the woman leaves her husband for her high school sweetheart. Movies are fantasy! Fantasy doesn't exist!
Now we have this whole internet generation. Lets continue to pursue this whole idea of picture perfect romance. No longer do we need God to put that one unique person in our path. No, there's a whole entire catalog of unique ones. You can choose the person based on looks, education, religion, age, nationality, income, etc. The problem with this is that it doesn't show character! You can be anyone you want to be, including single. 50% of the men on these website are married. What if God wants to compliment us with someone less than ideal to shame our weaknesses?
Trust the Lord when he says in Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Isn't it ironic that you could know someone and not notice or talk to them. Maybe you already know them, and don't consider them a potential. Had you seen them on Match.com first you would have taken the time to get to know them or loved everything about them. Why is it that you don't like a person, but if you met the same person on Match.com you'd have liked everything about them. People want to get to know a person overnight. Slow and steady wins the race. Internet dating seems to expedite the process, then people miss what is important along the way before entering that relationship.
Lets go back to some biblical principles:
Principle #1: Ask her in person.
In Genesis 29 Jacob worked the field for 14 years for Rachel. He knew he loved her, and was a man about it and went to her father to ask for her in marriage. He didn't send her father a letter or someone else, he did it himself in person.
Principle #2: Observe their character.
In Esther 2 Esther was the most spiritually attractive woman and had won the favor and approval of the king above all of the other queen candidates. She was tested by the king and his royal household before marrying her. Shouldn't a person's character be observed before entering a relationship. Get into a relationship with the wrong person and he/she will certainly lead you away from the Lord. A person can act one way online, but how do they act in their interactions with others? I have known men that have gone to their pastors or the people around the woman to ask for references before pursuing the woman.
Principle #3 Everything online is external it gives no indication of the internal state of the heart.
By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Matthew 7:16 Many people that go to church call themselves Christians, but have no relationship with God. Anyone with enough of a church background can sound churchie. We should never consider dating a person before we know where they are at with God. Which leads to Principle #4.
Principle #4 Do not arouse or awaken love until it so pleases. Song of Solomon 2:7
In this century dates are often isolated with one on one time with another. The more time spent with a person, one on one, the more apt you are towards having butterflies and warm fuzzies. To have this happen is arousal. To continue in arousal is to awaken love. To go on a date with a stranger, who potentially has a minimal to no relationship with the Lord, has the potential of arousing emotions. Arousal based on outward appearance and the sense of having many things in common. People tend to be drawn to those who have much incommon with them. What if the one uncommonality was their relationship with God? Christians all to often let this slide. Why put yourself in a position in the first place that may lead you to later chose between God and love for a person? Or enter into a marriage that has a high potential for divorce because the person is not evenly yolked?
As woman we wear panty hose,bras, and the high heels. We experience the monthly menustration, along with the bloatiness, cramps, and fatigue that comes with it. First time sex isn’t exactly a walk in the park. For 9 months we experience the discomforts of carrying children. Then when the little one decides to arrive we labor in pain giving birth. But it doesn’t stop there, there are the discomforts of nursing the child for months after that. Getting up in the middle of the night for feedings. Sooooo if the only thing a man has to endure is to ask us out, then it must be rough!!!!!
I don’t want a coward who has to hide behind his computer screen to get a date with me. If you aren’t secure enough to take the initiative to ask me out in person, then where else will your lack of security lead. I need someone man enough to do this small thing. I need a man to be a man! I don't want a wimp leading me in all of life's major decisions.
Spending time thinking about things that are not of the Lord is a waste of time. The time you spent thinking about your singleness and online dating should be redirected in developing your personal relationship with God and having a more appealing character. Secondly, be invested in your church, volunteering, and places you are most likely to meet Christians. Make the most of your time. Guys don't be wimps, and women don't be desperate! James 4:2 You do not have, because you do not ask God. God has been the ultimate matchmaker for centuries. Trust in him and he is able to do exceedingly above what you ever imagined. He knows the desires of your heart and is not going to leave you high and dry.
I have friends that invest much of their time on these internet sites and I am annoyed by it. For them they seem to think serial dating is the route to go. They ask me, "How do you meet people?" Let me tell you the places I have met men. I met a man working out at the gym, he approached me, and I found out he was a Christian. I went out one night with a friend and a guy approached me, turns out his dad was a Baptist pastor. These 2 men may not have exactly been what I was looking for, but still they were Christians. My last boyfriend I met when I worked with him 11 years ago. He was not saved. He still remembers the first time he met me. When we crossed each others paths all these years later I discovered he was now a full blown Christian. Men approach me all of the time, whether it be the street corner or the coffee shop. As a woman I have the ability to continue on in a conversation with them, enough to gauge whether it should be something to be taken further. I may not have all of the information about them from a Match.com profile, but slow and steady wins the race. I have asked of many men what is the #1 quality you look for in a woman. There has been a broad range of answers, but the man who said to me "a woman that epitomizes a Proverbs 31 woman" exceedingly won me over. I was only looking for one word, "Godliness!" The number one thing on my mind is God. I like to know that it's the number one thing on a man's mind as well. I don't want someone chosing me by the superficial things of this world.
