I'm amazed at how well some men get women and others have no clue at all. There seems to never be anything in between. I myself rarely get upset, but when I do get upset I don't usually stay mad that long. There's no fun in staying mad, and it takes too much energy. But if men just followed biblical principles such as,
Ephesians 5:33 "Husband love your wives. Wives respect your husbands" or
Proverbs 15:1 "A kind answer soothes angry feelings, but harsh words stir them up."
then they'd see how easy it is to break that spirit of anger. When a woman criticizes or is angry, it's really her response to hurt and need for love. It reminds me of this stranger walking behind me yesterday on the pier talking to his girl on the phone. She was apparently very angry on the other end, and his tone of voice was angry, rapid, and definately not soothing. I had to laugh when he shouted back on the phone to her, "I MISS YOU TOO!" I was convinced. Or not. lol!
There have been a few men that know the secret code with me. It actually kind of irks me off. They know exactly what to do so I can't be mad anymore. Sometimes I feel like I haven't been mad long enough to prove my point, so I'll cantankerously be mad. Then the next time I get mad at them I always think I'm NOT letting them off the hook that easily this time, but I always do. Like I said it irks me off! How do they do it?
Let me tell you about Nhoj. Nhoj was my best friend during a season of my life, because he was truly the person in my life at the time that understood me like no other. I trusted him beyond trust. Still do. One of the reasons I trusted him was because he was sooo predictable, and I could even predict how he was going to respond to me if I got mad at him. I got mad at him for 9 days once. I had told him something in confidence and heard it back through our mutual friend at the time. He was working the front door, so one night I yelled at him from the balcony my lack of appreciation and got on the elevator. He could've yelled back at me insults and disgust, but he sat quietly. When I'd go through the lobby which I tried to avoid he'd remain quiet. Then one day I couldn't avoid him. I had a package and I had to go through him, as he helped me he said, "I've been praying and I just wanted to say I'm sorry!" How could I be mad? I believed him when he said it. It made me feel guilty that I had been mad, but I didn't say anything. A couple days later I had been hurt physically (btw not raped incase you were thinking that) by our mutual friend and I didn't know of one other person on the planet I could share it with. I tried to act like I had everything together, but as soon as I saw him I broke down crying. It was essential to have one person on this planet that I trusted that much to share that experience with otherwise I would have been all alone. To this day no one else knows the details of that ordeal. Knowing how to handle me in time of conflict had much to do with my ability to have such a trusting relationship.
My other friend Cephas I had become extremely upset with once. So entirely frustrated. Once again he didn't react to my reactivity. He wasn't harsh, but was always a gentle spirit. One day I called him up on the phone and said, "I'm sorry. I still love you." He never held it against me. He was very silent about it, and wasn't mad that I was mad. As soon as I called him on the phone infact he acted surprised, and after my apology we talked like we always did. Once again it made me feel bad that I was even mad to begin with. To this day is one of my lifelong friends. When you can trust someone to accept you through thick and thin then you know you have a true friend. Some friends you can bicker with, some you can't.
Last weekend once again I showed my disgust towards someone's actions towards me. They apologized, but I wasn't done with putting them through hoops. Before I could even put him through hoops he did that kind word thing AGAIN, "So how was your day?" Really can these guys stop breaking my angry spirit with kind words? lol
At the end of the day this ties into a woman's need of security and loyalty. If a man is unable to accept you through thick and thin or make you feel like he's given you ANOTHER chance, or that you are on your last straw then that trust will probably never be there. My last "official" boyfriend became angry with me, because he thought I was angry with him I think (but I wasn't). He didn't want to talk to me anymore (perhaps because he didn't know how to solve the problem). If we talked it was superficial conversation. When I saw him and was trying to be touchy, he was like "Look at you!" As women we desire to be loved in conflict and quickly resume the closeness we once had. That level of closeness is equivalent to the level of previous closeness. So if it was a friendship then maybe it's words. If it's a relationship then maybe it's a hug or cuddling. If it's marriage then maybe it's making love. It should be restored to the completion of the highest level of intimacy that relationship had before the conflict. Forgiveness doesn't impose boundaries after the conflict.
